20th Of July (Part 2)

After few hours, the undertaker reached. When they reached, my tear run out again. I think that my father will sleep in the coffin forever. The undertakers helped my father to change ATTIRE and MAKE UP. After finished everything, we go to see my father last face. We were cried loudly and shout. Then, we brought my father went to his hometown, Cenderiang, Tapah Ipoh after settled everything at hospital.

Along to his/our hometown, all of us had cried about one and half hours because we are feel very sad and madness. From KL to Ipoh Cenderiang, we have t0 about one and half hours to reach there. I flashback everything about my father, his voice, his smile, his face, his attitude, and everything about him. That's why I cried one and half hours.

When we reached Chederiang, which is my grandpa and grandma house, everyone were shout and cried loudly, include us. At that moment, I don't know what I have done. I only know I punched the floor strongly and cried loudly, others I don't know. After crazy, moody, sadness, depression, all of us, include my other relatives are cried quietly. Everyone keep asking:"Why be like that?" I also don't know how to answer their question, and this question will never have a satisfactory answer. As a son, I slept beside my father's coffin before daybreak. How can I sleep with this condition? I don't know? I just closed my eyes and take a rest. But, I still can heard a lot of my relative are still crying, especially my grandpa, grandma, and my mum............. And I will be the one who are cry with closing my eyes, and heart bleeding.........

~LEAVE~

Dark...... Everything is dark in my eyes now..... the sun, the chair, the clothes, the computer, the cloud, anything in front of me.... My lovely, dearest father was pass away....... This cause a huge changes in my life, huge hurt in my heart and my mind as well!

My father was passed away on 20th of July 2010... I will never forget this day. This day, my father, was leaved us. Until now, i also dont know what I am doing now? Sitting? Standing? Eating? Studying? Sleeping? Or what? I not sure what I am doing. I am just like a human without any soul and energetic. I just know I have to sitting my final exam and submit my assignment.

July of 20th...... (Part 1)
This day, I was going to college. Then, my phone is rang, is my sister. I took the phone and listened what my sister trying to said. My sister said my father was fainted, call me go back to home quickly. So, I went back to home directly. After 15 minutes, my sister call me again. This time, my sister said, DAD WAS DIED.......... What? DAD... DIED.... What the fuck..... My hand, my leg, my skin, my cell was lulled and cried. I cried quietly inside the LRT. After reached the station, I was run back to my house. When I reached, I was mad, shout and cry in front of my door. I dont want go back to MARAN, (My father worked place),I dont want go into the house, I dont want to face the fact. After calm down, we were took the clothes, annouced other parents, and went back to MARAN to take and see my father. During the way to MARAN, I cant fall asleep. The sunlight was irradiated on my face and skin. I felt the sunlight is darkness. Eveything in my eyes is dark now. When we reached my father house, at MARAN, my tear was dropping automatically. I dont know what is happening until I saw my father was laid on the bed. (My father friends was did some secure). At the moment, I was mad, crazy, shout, cry, just like want go to suicide. After calm down, I was cried quietly because of the momories was appeared in my mind suddenly. I have a "not-stop crying moment" about 15 minutes. Then, my father is sent to the hospital to recognized the dead. After 30 minutes, we went to the hospital. At the hospital, my father was recognized have a stroke in his brain, the main veins was bursted. We was accompanied my father all the time in the hospital..................
(Continues next part....)

~Tired~

Feel so tired for everything on me now, assignment, tests, presentation, do revisions, homework and everything. I felt so tired, honestly. It was very very tired. Every night when I sleep, I can't fall asleep. Everything will come out from my brain when my eyes is closed. Numbers, formulas, words, concept, everything will just run out to my mind, it cause me can't fall asleep.

Yesterday night, my sisters watched the final FIFA World Cup. My parlor's lights is reflected to my face through my bedroom. The light make me can't asleep. SAD.... Then, how about the World Cup result, like a shit. I don't know. I am a guy who really not interested in football. I mean football is mean nothing to me. Mean NOTHING. NOTHING. Sorry I have to said that. I really don't like football. I think football is very boring to me. (Sorry for football fans.) >u<

Recently, THOSE feeling is appeared again. THOSE FEELING, make me so suffering. I want throw them away, but I can't even I have tried my best best best. Who can tell me, what I suppose to do? What I can do? Who can tell me? WHO~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

=Stress FULL=

Aiyo, recently I am so busy, like before today, I just finished my algebra and trigonometry (add. math) mid-term. Next Monday I have to submit my assignment. (I have done already). Next Wednesday I have my general physic mid-term. The week after this week I will have my English Foundation Presentation. After three week, my English Final Exam is coming. R.I.P. xnx

Ok! Come to August. The whole month is the final exam month. (If I am no getting wrong.) Died fast lah. Have to do more and more and more revision. I don't know why I am so stressful. My friends said to me :"Hei, dude, Only foundation leh. Why make yourself so stressful?" I also don't know why? Maybe I am demanded more. I want to score my whole subject in this semester at the marks that I have set before. I have to achieve the marks that I have set I have to, I must to that. Am I make myself too stress? I think so. My mum always said, I am made myself so stress. But, I have to thank to my mum and my family because always support me and make me relax and make me stress less. Thank, FAMILY. Whatever, I demanded because I want be the best but not among the best lah. I always compare myself to myself. I never ever and ever compare me with other guy. YA. It is me.....

Why???

I felt so curios! Why? Because my friends and my family said I am a crazy and addictive guy. Crazy to who? Addictive to who? Lam Fung. OMG~~~~ I crazy to him and addictive to him because I admire him, adore him, and support him. What's wrong? Admire people also is a wrong thing lar... If like that then I am speechless. =.=lll

My friends always said:" You are so GAY!!" GAY??? What's the point? Because I admire a MALE ARTIST. How gay is it? I think I am not wrong wad. Admire a people didn't have sexual differences. Ok!! If like that I also gay, then the whole world which are admired Jay Chou also GAY lah.... Aiyoyoy...... This is so funny lah.... So, Please, Dun say I am a gay lah...ok.... You can say me crazy, fun, siao, abnormal, addictive, insane, and whatever you want to call, but please don't call me GAY arh.. I am normal........ =,=llllllllllll WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH......

New Announcement

Hei, I have a new announcement here..... I will upload my blog every Saturday night. Hehe. I want be active in blogger. Whoooo.... So, I will upload a few new post now.... Just wait me....

Hehe

Hehe, guys....Long time no see..hhah...I also long time no upload my blog.... Hv a announcement here,for the next and the next next blogs i will use english to write my beloved blog (mean that i will use english in future, i mean from now lah..) ahahahah... i hv been forced by the university life. I hv no choice...haha.. If I hv make many grammartical mistak, plz forgive me....

First the fall, I hv to tell u all, university life is not an easy life as secondary school......(Of course lah) !All are independent... Cool man.... I remembered that when Im in orientation in 1st day, damn man... What the guys talking about??? I mean the guy,the principal gave some speech to us.... Men, the words that he used, my god..... I really dun understand not at all, bt some...!!! HAhahaha....

Second, I hv my timetable through the UCSI personal website.... Damn, again! The timetable I think I oledi change about 10 time ++!! Why? Bcoz the FU*K timetable were very very flexible.. Today is like that.. 2moro will become other things....... SHIT.... But, now the time oledi fixed... ahhahaha.... USCI I'll forgive you..hahahaha......

Third, is about the subject that I took... Haiz... This foundation year I hv 3 semester.... I took 5 sub. in this semester, which are the most hated one, english foundation, general physic, algebra and trigonometry (actual it is add math), computing essentials and accounting practice.... What is the relationship btwn engineering and account..??? NONSENSE.... Bt, whatever I said, whatever I really dun want to learn this sub. The result is I hv to learn......

Last but not least, I hv my assingment! This assignment is about the social problem such as child abuse and so on..... The bad new is, I hv to write about 2,000 words.... FU*K... The good new is it is a group assignment....... Ho...... LUCKY.... ahhahaahah......... I think I stop here...If I continuous to write, I will wrong and make mistake more... See ya... Bye.....

我们很好 MV.rmvb

～半杯水～

hahahaha... Time to BLOGGING........ hohohoh......erm.....
最近，突然有很多感触！！！对自己！ 对我的家人！ 对我的............................. 等等等！！！！其实，很多事情，都可以用很多不一样的“理由”<或者是藉口>来解释的！！！就很像陈冠希的case， 有的人觉得他很贱，很好色，很衰！！！！ 当然，也有人觉得他没有错！！！而错的是那个把那些photo 放上网的人！！！！ 而我觉得陈冠希..........hehe... 我对事不对人啦！！！（反正，我也不是很注意陈冠希的）！！！ 我觉得陈冠希没有错咯，错的是那个把那些photo 放上网的人！！拜托，他要拍，不是给他拍饱他咯！！！他有没有用枪指着“那些”女生们的头！！！haiz..... 正所谓：人言可畏！！！ 是酱的啦！！！
我常常都对自己说：一定要抱着“半杯水”这个道理来做人！！ “半杯水”的道理很简单！！！ 就是：一杯被装半杯水的杯, 你可以说它是一杯水；也能说它是半杯水！！！ 就是这样！！！很简单吧！！ 凡是都有两面，甚至三四五六七八面！！！！ 只要相信自己的感觉，就对了！！！！当然，相信自己的感觉之余，也要有一个能够真正说服自己的理由来support你那所谓的“原理”..........

永远

HAIZ!!!!HAIZ!!!!HAIZ!!!! 明天就是我决定我人生的一天！！！！我知道自己的方向，很清楚自己在做什么，想什么！！！可是，心中不知为什么会有一股莫名其妙的遗憾！！！！一种说不出口的遗憾！！！可能是因为我知道我的梦就快要醒了！！！ 我发了六年的梦，终于要醒了！！！ 六年的梦，说长不长，说短不短！！！可是，我心中的遗憾，突然间就出来了！！！！！！！！！！先生啊！！先生啊！！醒醒吧！！！！！不要再做梦了！！！赶快面对现实吧！！！我知道我要面对现实！！！可是，我的梦。。。我的梦。。。。难道我的梦就无法再继续下去吗？？？？ 我还问你想要继续！！可是，现实告诉我：“你，永远都无法完成你的梦想！！！永远都无法完成！！！ 永远....”

My dreas.................

I　ａｓｋ　ｍｙｓｅｌｆ　ｍａｎｙ　ｔｉｍｅ，＂Ｃａｎ　Ｉ　ｍａｋｅ　ｍｙ　ｄｒｅａｍ　ｃｏｍｅ　ｔｒｕｅ？？＂Ｂｕｔ，ｓｔｉｌｌ，　ｔｈｅ　ａｎｓｗｅｒ　ｉｓ　ａｎ　ｕｎｋｎｏｗｎ！！！　Ｉ　ｖｅｒｙ　ｓａｄ．．．　Ｓａｄ，　ｂｅｃａｕｓｅ　ｎｏｂｏｄｙ　ｓｕｐｐｏｒｔ　ｍｙ　ｄｒｅａｍ　although　ｔｈｅｙ　ｒｅａｌｌｙ　ｋｎｏｗ　ｗｈａｔ　Ｉ　ｎｅｅｄ!!!! Sad, because I can't make my dream come true with my hands... Sad, because I know my dream will never come true.... Maybe other people will say I　ｗａｓ　ｃｒａｚｙ．．Ｂｕｔ，　Ｉ　ｃａｎ　ｓａｙ：　Ｉｍ　ｎｏｔ　ｃｒａｚｙ．．．．．　Ｃome on!! Who didn't have dream.....Everyone have dream, include me..... So, my dream.... my dream will just gone like that..... I thought, YES...... The condition was telling me, my dream will spoil, ruin, destroy and GONE.............

～乱～

乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～
非常乱！！！！ 乱我的方向！ 乱我的前途！ 乱我的想法！乱我的选择！！！！！！乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～乱～很想大哭一场！！！！！！近几个礼拜来，我过得很痛苦！！！！ My mind had disturb by everything that I want to do!!!!每晚，我的泪慢慢的在眼眶里游！！！！！而“他”和“它”每一天，每一分，每一秒， 都浮现在我的脑海里！！！！我现在只希望。。。。。。。只希望。。。。。。 老天爷能给我一个真正能说服我的选择！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！！

逃避...

今天，我妈问了我一个问题？？？？ “阿仔，你放了吗？？”（大概是酱子）！！！我跟我妈说：“不要讲这个先！！！” 我是在逃避吗？？？？我在逃避吗？？？还是我不想有一天我真的说：放了！！ 还是我不想说了！！！！我不想想了！！！！！我不懂！！！我只能每一晚跟我的 "听众者"诉苦！！！！我甚至连有关于 "他"的一切我又不要理了！！！！可是，我做不到。。。。。 我真的做不到！！！！没有一天我是没有像 "他" 和 "它"的！！！没有一天我能忘记他们。。。。。。没有一天！！！！！！

消失...

这几天，我的耳朵，我的手，我的脚，我的脑袋，我的身体上的一切都好像没有了灵魂！！！每一天的生活，都是一样！！！ 每天都会对着两样完全没有生命力的东西！！一，PS2； 二，电脑！！除了我妈，还有我的姐姐们就没有了！！！这样的生活，天啊！！！！
这几天，我想了又想，想了又想！！反反复复地在想一个问题！！！我有这么爱“它”吗？？ 而答案只有三个选择！！ 1.不爱 2.爱 3.非常爱！！！ 而我的答案是， 2..... 不懂为什么？？在我的心目中，“它”本来是3 的！！可是，为了他们“它”降到去2.... 我很不开心，因为。。。。因为。。。。。。 这种感觉终于都来了！！！！ “它”已经降级了！！！我很不开心。。。 非常不开心！！！！！我很想“它”永远都是3.... 可是，可是......... 我.....我！！！ 每当一想到“它”降级了，我的眼泪就会在眼眶游泳！！！！我天真到以为 .....以为 ....."他们"会支持我!!!不..... 不... 原来是我自己想太多了!!!我想太多了!!! "它"会在我的心里消失吗????????我不懂!!!!!我真的不懂!!!
总觉得自己很没有用!!!!连要完成自己要做的事的能力都没有!!!!!!! 我没有在怪谁!!!!我只是觉得自己很没有用!!!!! 我感到很自卑!!!!!!我是一个没有能力的人!!!!真的!!!!我连做运动都不会超过一个小时！！！我真的很没有用！！！！！！！！！！很没有 用！！！！！！！！

又來了....

天啊！！！又來了！！！我的“夢”又來了！！！！幾乎天天都來！！！！啊！！！！又知道“他”拿獎了！！！！開心到睡不著！！！！每天都會想到“他”！！ 我是不是瘋了？？天啊！！！直到現在，我還沒有一個很好的機會想“他們”說清楚！！！我總覺得， 我說了=沒有說！！！“他們”應該會一直說“它”的缺點！！！一直說！！一直說！！一直說！！一直說！！一直說！！一直說！！一直說！！一直說！！一直 說！！一直說！！一直說！！一直說！！一直說！！一直說！！一直說！！一直說！！一直說！！一直說！！一直說！！一直說！！一直說！！一直說！！一直 說！！一直說！！一直說！！一直說！！一直說！！一直說！！一直說！！一直說！！一直說！！一直說！！一直說！！一直說！！一直說！！一直說！！一直 說！！一直說！！一直說！！一直說！！一直說！！天啊！！！Jayson！！！Jayson！！！ 你都還沒有說，你有怎么知道“他們”在想怎么呢？？？ 我知道 !!!!!“他們”已經，曾經我暗示了！！！我知道！！！也不懂是不是我敏感？？？總覺的，“他們”永遠都不會支持我的！！！！ 我的“它”和“他”會在我的內心里消失嗎？？？？？會嗎？？？我不想！！！我不想“你們”消失！！！！我真的不想.....真的不想.........

終于....

終于，我鼓起了勇氣向我媽說明一切！！！！！我聽了我媽的意見,猶豫了很久很久很久！！！！！！直到現在，我還在猶豫！！！我媽的意見很寶貴！！！她說出 了我想的東西！！！可是，她還是有一點反對！！！！她說“它”不好的喔！！！！會沒有這個，沒有哪個！！！！！她說得很對！！！非常對！！！！我也有對我 媽說我對“它"已經到了無法自拔的地步！！！我媽叫我 “放手啦！阿仔！！” 是我想太多嗎？？？是我執著嗎？？？是我太愛“它”了嗎？？？ 我總是消化不了“放手啦！阿仔！！”這句話！！！！！！ 是我的執著？？我的任性？？還是........ 事實上，我放不了！！！ 六年的“感情”，你要我怎么放呢？？？ 我有試過放手，不去想，不去夢！！！可是，我還是麻醉不到我自己！！！！我....一言難盡！！！！！ 今天我又“不小心”看到有關“他”的新聞！！！天啊！！！！我又來了！！！我的“夢”又來了！！！“他”領到我的腦海浮現了很多很多很多的“它”！！！天 啊！！！！我是怎么了？？？？？？“他”對我的影響力有這么大嗎？？？？啊！！！！！！！！！！！！！可是，沒辦法！！！！！誰叫我崇拜他！！！！！！

時間

不是到為什么？？？時間過得越久，我對“它”越來越強烈，越來越有勁，越來越想“它”。。。不知道為什么？？？我從中一開始就有這樣的夢想！！！！！我這 個決定可不是一時沖動的，我從中一到現在從來都沒放棄過這個夢想！！！再加上，“他”的出現，讓我對“它”又多了一層愛意！！！！“他”讓我覺得在“它” 里，可以有成就！！很大的成就！！！！！！！！“他”對我來說蠻重要的！！！因為我以“他”為榜樣！！！！！“他“對我來說是一個很大很大很大的推動 力！！haiz...... 不知道“他們”會不會支持我呢？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？？

林峰。。。。。

I was very happy when i listen and read the newspaper about my super artist,Raymond Lam was get the 亚太区最受欢迎男歌手's award............................ I felt very very super happy and excited.......... Congratulation! Raymond....... Continue and done your jobs well............. I will always support you....... Forever............. And you was very successful......... Adore you very much....... hwhehehehhee..... Gambateh.......................
When（明天以后）get a award....

Raymond Lam was crying because of too sensation....

我不能相信我长大了！！！

我不能相信我长大了！！！！我长大了！！我长大了！！这个事实是吗？？ 是！ 是事实！！ 我长大了这个”方案“已经是成为了事实。刚过完一个月生日的我，好不容易才和我的朋友同样年龄。Haiz...人啊！！人啊！！ 在未来的三个月，我要做出明智的”决定“。这些所谓的 ”决定“往往都会让我的头上添加了不少白发！！！ Haiz..... 走这条路？？？ 还是走这条？？？Haiz....